An Asshole's Guide to Family Matters (and Romantic Matters, Too)
by RustyMilk
Summary: Ever wonder what your life would be like if you were the long-lost sister of the Winchesters, adopted by Tony Stark, and a monster hunter yourself? Yeah me neither but here's a fic about that anyway. Thrill as Rylee and Trin find themselves in crazy escapades such as fighting their way out of a nest of shapeshifters with the Winchesters and a certain sexy assassin (main storyline).
1. CHAPTER THE FIRST

A/N: Alright, disclaimer, this first chapter is probably lowkey shit because it's setup, etc. Hope you all enjoy it anyway. Also, this chapter is shorter than subsequent chapters, so if this chapter is too long for your tastes then you're probably gonna be annoyed down the road.

Toodles,

-RustyMilk

CHAPTER THE FIRST

RYLEE POV

I'd like to get ahead of it all and just say, none of it was my fault. I didn't ask to be born into the most fucked up family on this planet and adopted by the second most fucked up one, but here I am. If I could have picked my situation, I'd have been born into the same family as Trin, enjoyed the occasional monster hunting, and spent the rest of my time doing donuts in my absolute beater of a truck with my song of the month blasting. Instead, I'm stuck in between the proverbial rock and a hard place- or rather, ghosts and supervillains. What can you do.

Bobby tells me that once upon a time, I had two brothers, a mother, a father- an entire family that loved me. All I've ever known is Tony- he loves me, I'm sure, but it's not like he has the time to do anything that families do. Selling and designing weapons is lucrative but time consuming, and I'm not about to waste my life away in his lab while he ignores me for a pile of sparking metal.

Bobby didn't think it was important to tell me about this family for all these years. His daughter, Trin and I spent all of our childhood and teenager years screwing around in his living room, and all that time he knew. Would my life have been better if I'd known? If I'd tracked them down? If I'd tried to reinsert myself back into their lives? Who knows, but I guess I'm about to find out how it's going to change my life now, because they've found me.

DEAN POV:

There are very few things in the world finer than a medium rare steak served up in good company. One of those things is a nice freshly baked apple pie. The other is the actual company it's served in. I'd just had the steak and the pie, but #3 was a little... , Jo, and Ash make for good conversation, but my eye was on the woman perched on the opposite end of the bar. Sam and I had a nice gap of time before we headed to check out that tip that the annual tech expo was haunted… I threw back my last shot, downed the last morsel of that perfectly cooked steak, and swaggered over to her.

"So… do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?" I asked, leaning as casually as I could on my elbow. She smirked at me and mimicked my lean on the bar.

"Go ahead, I need practice hitting a moving target," she sassed, casually brushing back her leather jacket to reveal a .45 in a fairly worn holster. Definitely my type of chick. "I'll take that as a yes," I smirked, flagging Ellen down for another drink. "I'll have a beer, and this lovely lady will have…?" I turned to her.

"This 'lady' will have her regular, thank you very much," she said to Ellen, who nodded and gave her a warm smile.

"One shot of whiskey coming right up, Rye." I eyed the girl carefully- a hunter, a regular, and flannel? Likes whiskey? She could practically be a replica of me- definitely worth a little effort, even if she was playing hard to get. Just have to play it cool.

"Alright, 'Rye', I started, sipping on my beer. "You in town on a job, then?" She shook her head.  
"Nah, I live here," she nodded to the other side of the restaurant. "Me and my friend just like hanging out here in between jobs. I'm guessing that's what you do as well, since I haven't seen you around here before?" She was talking to me, it was workinngggggg….

"Yeah, exactly. In fact, I'm about to head off on another job. Apparently, that smarmy expo that rich guy Stark puts on is in a haunted venu and so me and my brother are gonna go and fix that shit right up," I bragged. She suddenly sat up and took interest.

"The tech expo at the Jefferson center in New York?" She clarified, furrowing her brow.

"The very one." Mission successful, consider her impressed.

"That 'Rich guy' is my father and that 'smarmy expo' is run in part by me," she mused, downing her shot of whiskey in one go. I deflated.

"Well… you didn't notice it was haunted?" I asked. She shrugged.

"I'm gonna be there with full gear- not that it'll be easy to get a gun with salt rounds into a place like that, much less in NY, but hey, I AM partly in charge, so…." she hopped off her stool. "Besides, I'm pretty sure it's just rats." she smirked and turned to go to her friend. "Trin, you about done with that fuckin' burger?"

"Wait, wait!" I insisted, stopping short for a moment and forgetting what i was saying as I realized how straight up tiny she was… had to come barely up to my shoulders… no, definitely didn't even come up that far. I shook myself back into the situation- the problem at the center was most certainly not rats, not based on the witness reports. Had to be shapeshifters, by my guess, and lord knows how dangerous those could be. Someone this small? They'd need my help. "You should bring me and my brother along, we're really experienced with this stuff- we have gear too, if you could help us sneak it in…?" My eyes met hers.

"Mmm, what kind of gear?" she asked, intrigued.

"Oh, you know, the usual… shotguns with salt rounds, rifles, pistols, silver knives, the works," I smiled. "It's all in the trunk of that beauty," I pointed out the window at Baby.

I'm certain the whole restaurant could hear her jaw hit the floor.

"That's… your car?" she asked in a careful voice.

"Yep, she's a beauty, isn't she?"

"DON'T INSULT HER WITH SUCH AN UNDER-APPRECIATIVE WORD LIKE THAT! LOOK AT HER! OMG!" She gushed, enamored. Bingo! Her soft spot was cars!

"Well… since you and I are going to the same place… you could ride up with us… that is, if you want to," I smiled down at her. No way could she resist this. Sure enough, she was practically bursting with excitement.

"FUCK YEAH LETS GO!" she yelled, grabbing my arm and apparently forgetting her friend entirely… but that was for the best, I didn't want to get it on with company in someplace as enclosed as the car.

"Just a bit, I have to wait for my brother Sam to get back here before we can leave, he's doing some more freaking research at a time like this. Give him half an hour, tops." Damn, I forgot about Sam… I'd have to get him out of the way too… but in the meantime…

I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and lead her back to a table, away from her burger-munching friend, who fortunately still had her back to us. Jo and Ellen, for some reason, were both at the bar staring at us with an unreadable expression. I made a face at them and decided to ignore them. Rye's whole body language had changed, leaning into me and looking up with a very happy expression. Perfect time to make a move. I verrry smoothly brushed a piece of hair back behind her ear- that move never fails to work- and leaned in just a bit.

"Your ride's a 1967 Impala, isn't it?" she asked. Damn, still on the car. But, she wasn't acting put off by my moves, so….

"Mhm, you know it." I leaned in a bit closer, feeling her breath on my face.

"That's the fucking sexiest car in the world, I swear," she said in a hushed voice.

"It's not the only sexy thing here," I murmured, moving in for the kiss.

A flash of white- someone slapped me in the back of the head.

"Ellen? What the hell!?" I yelled. I was fucking… seconds away… Ellen looked pissed though, and Jo was right behind her.

"Dean Winchester, you do NOT kiss that girl, do you hear me?" she ordered. Wtf….?

"Oh, you're one of the Winchesters? Rye asked, surprised. "My friend knows you. Trin! Get over here!" she hollered at her friend, who dropped the burger and looked over… Oh. That Trin. Rye was friends with Bobby's daughter? That explains some things. Trin looked pissed when she saw that I still had my arm around Rye and stormed over.

"Uh… yeah, I'm a Winchester… Hey, listen, guys," I started to protest. "I'm an adult, she's an adult, we can kiss whoever we want. It's fine."

Ellen grabbed my ear and pulled me up into a standing position.

"Like hell you can. Go get some more drinks, Dean. Rylee, go on with Trin, we'll see you after the expo." Rylee wasn't having it either.

"Why?" She crossed her arms. "Ellen, this isn't like you- what's the big deal?" Ellen pursed her lips and shook her head. "I'm not leaving without a reason." I pulled myself away from Ellen's strong grasp and rubbed my sore ear.

"Yeah, what's the issue?" I insisted. "Just tell us." Ellen looked down.

"Not for me to tell."

"Well then, I guess I'll just kiss him," Rylee smiled, grabbing the front of my shirt and standing on tiptoe.

"HE'S YOUR BROTHER!"

…

…

…

...What?


	2. CHAPTER THE SECOND

A'ight so, I realized the first chapter wasn't much so here's a second on the same day, free of charge ;)

Peace out,

-RustyMilk

CHAPTER THE 2ND

RYLEE POV:

My head was reeling the entire ride back to New York. I guess it made sense that I was related to the biggest hunter family with the most notorious brothers, since hunting always came so naturally to me… Trin's angry silence in the passenger seat next to me certainly confirmed the truthfulness of the information, but it was nevertheless hard to grasp.

"So… were you ever gonna tell me?" I probed. She silently glared at me for a moment.

"If you didn't try to go macking on your own mother fucking brother, then no, I wasn't going to tell you. Yeah, I'm friends with them at all, but they were dicks to abandon you. They did it for a good reason, sure, but Dad and I didn't want to put you through being rejected by your own family again. We're your family now, Rye." her voice took a pleading tone. "Just forget them, they do so much dangerous stuff, people die around them. Let it be, let's keep hunting the local monsters, let them handle the big stuff." I frowned at her.

"Didn't you, like, have a fling with one of them a while back?" Her face went beet red. "Yeah, was it the one I almost kissed? Is that why you were so upset? Jealous?"

"RYLEE THAT WAS YOUR BROTHER, THAT'S WHY I WAS UPSET!"

"See, that's why I'm upset too. Y'all could have told me about this years ago and I wouldn't have tried mooching your man because I'd've known we're related."

"He's not even the same one," Trin clarified, still pouting. "Mine is taller. And cuter."

"Oh, so you DO still like one of them," I teased, enjoying the increasingly pissed expression she wore.

This kind of bickering wasn't atypical for Trin and I. Since Tony didn't want me in the limelight as a child, he'd had me raised by a long string of surrogate caretakers in this small town, and as a consequence, I was close enough to Trin my whole life that we could rib eachother like this. But now, it was clearly different. Trin wasn't the type to get genuinely flustered, but right now she was showing every sign that I was poking her where it hurts.

"...omg, you do actually like him?"

"...Shut up!"

"..."

And just like that, I was condemned to silence for the rest of the ride. She certainly wasn't talking back.

Pulling up to the expo, I decided that if Dean and his brother showed up, there was no way in hell I was gonna help them sneak guns in. Hell, I might even get them thrown out. A hunting trip, if this turned out to be one (still certain it was rats tho) was NOT the place to be reconnecting with family. Plus, there seemed to be… history between Trin and the other brother that didn't need to be rehashed when I needed her for emotional support.

The expos Dad threw were always super stressful for me, mainly because he expected me to help, and not just help- help unseen. Go on stage? Nah. Meet the Avengers, who occasionally showed up at these expos? Nah. Do anything at all where anyone could see me and identify me as his daughter? Hell nah! And why? Because it was dangerous! Never mind that I absolutely obliterated deadly ghosts on the regular, his precious petunia of a daughter couldn't possibly be exposed to danger of any sort.

I was tempted to go find him anyway, whoever he was with, and fuss about not telling me who my family was. But, there was really a fair chance that he didn't know either. The story I'd always been told was, way back when he was 17, his dad got pissed with him sleeping around and generally being an irresponsible dickhead. His dad, the brilliant, genius, mastermind, multi millionaire's solution?

Get him a fuckin' kid.

And so, at the ripe old age of 3, I was yoinked from the foster care system and put in the care of a 17 year old alcoholic who soon after lost his own father. Tough for him. The result, of course, was him foisting the responsibility on nannies and other employees in my nice little town. Sometimes I suspected that he just didn't want to raise me, instead of his story that he was "protecting me". But he was there for every graduation, every party, every softball game- otherwise a very present father, even if he did keep sleeping around (until he got his lovely girlfriend who I will love forever, but that's another story). I always came first when it really counted. And back when Stein had him kidnapped and the whole Iron Man fiasco happened, the first thing he did when he got back was see me, even before he got his precious burger and held that news conference. So, biological father or not, I loved him.

Still a dickhead.

Trin, who was still giving me the silent treatment like a petulant toddler, followed me back into our private room where Dad had one of his high tech interfaces set for me to manage from. Cameras of the whole place, a link through to all the staff's walkie talkie frequencies, etc. Knowing my luck, I would be spending the remainder of the next 3 days hunched over on a chair here, listening to Trin loudly crunching on whatever snack she scrounged from the banquet tables when security wasn't looking.

I wouldn't necessarily waste away from boredom, though. If my luck was good, the Avengers would make their appearance as they often did at these events, and a certain piece of eye candy would be well within view of my nice array of cameras.

Yessir, Bucky Barnes. Supersoldier popsicle assassin, newest member of the Avengers. Whatever person they had dressing him in the morning deserved a medal, because the one-size-two-small shirts were ? on him.

Yep, there was hope for my weekend yet.

Of course, as luck would fuck me, it was not my prince charming that showed up the second day of the expo, but one Winchester and one apparent moose.

"DAMNIT!" I pounded my desk, exclaiming through a mouthful of expensive… crepes? Donuts? Whatever the hell Trin had scavenged. "The fucking Winchesters are here, Trin, what do we do?"

"WHERE?" Trin lept to the monitor, distorting it as her hand went through it accidentally. "Oh, there he is! FUCK! I need to go out there!" she fussed, brushing a variety of crumbs off her sweater.

"Nuh uh, dad wants us to stay back here no matter what. Besides, everyone out there is dressed up fancy because this is a FORMAL event", I emphasized, looking pointedly at Trin's very casual outfit.

"I... yeah you're right, but dude, I need another shot with him!" I shot her some side eye.

"Oh… so HE broke it off with YOU, then?" I guessed, her immediately angry expression confirming my suspicions. "What do you think talking to him is gonna do, then?"

"It wasn't my faultttttttttt, the spaghetti was in the way and they just got the jump on us and he happened to be underfoot and omg I just have to say fucking SORRY!" she rambled, heading for the door.

"Wait, wait… what happened?" I asked, discreetly changing the setting on the interface that would lock the door. No good having her run out there and make a scene at Dad's expo.

"Nunya business! Just lemme out dude!" she fussed, realizing I'd locked her in.

"I got a better idea. When they're separate, we can use JARVIS to talk through the intercom to them, and you don't have to go out there looking like…. _that._" She knew I had a point, but I believe what finally convinced her was looking down and noticing the massive stain from the fruit punch on her pants.

"...fine."  
_

Being hunters, I knew my brothers… as weird as it felt to call them that… would soon be in a room away from people, snooping and such. Sure enough, not fifteen minutes later, the cameras caught them along the hallway leading to the storage areas.

"Jarvis, turn on the intercom for that hallway," I directed.

"Right away, Miss Rylee," he said, confirming that the intercom was on with a beep.

"Ahem… testing, testing, 123…" I said into the microphone spot on the interface, tapping it once or twice for good measure. Both brothers cringed at the loud noise… definitely on. "So… hey. Hi, Dean. It's me, Rylee, your…. Uh…. the girl from the bar. Uh, glad to see you could make it…?"

"Where are you?" Dean asked, looking directly up at the ceiling.

"Fuckin' Narnia, it's cold here, come visit, bring a coat."

"Rylee, seriously. We need help getting the guns and stuff in."

"Nah man, we don't need that stuff here. It's just rats. And uh… you didn't tell him about the _thing_, did you?" I asked.

"Not a chance," Dean grimaced.

"What thing?" Sam asked, confused. I ignored him.

"Good. But I'm not here to make small talk and chit chat, my dude, I've actually got a message for your brother… what's his name?" Trin whispered in my ear. "Sam. Sam, you absolute beanpole, I have a message from a girl named Trin, the name ring a bell?"

Sam looked around suddenly. "Trin's here? Where?"

"Oh she's in Narnia too, couldn't stay away from the turkish delights, you know how she is." Trin slapped the back of my head… the brothers definitely heard the resulting "shit" but it was too late to silence the knife. "Bitch calm down, I'm doing this for you." that didn't stop the glaring.

"You're doing this for me?" Sam asked, confused.

"No, not you, dingus, for Trin."

"What's she say?"

"I don't know, what DOES she say?" I asked her.

"...I don't know, that's why I'm asking you…?" Sam asked. "I'm not sure I understand what's going on here…"

"Omg you dumbass" I hissed down the mic. "I'm not TALKING to you. Gimme a sec." I turned to Trin. "What the fuck do you want me to say?" She handed me a written out note.

"...Okay so apparently I'm supposed to read this out to you instead of just having Trin tell you what she wants to say-"

"Wait wait, she can hear me? Trin, can you hear me?" he asked, looking around again for the camera. Dean tapped him on the shoulder and pointed at it, and Sam walked over and looked right up into it, his height making him close enough that the view was distorted. "Can I please talk to you? I'm here, just come out, I've got some things to say," he insisted.

"Listen, jerk, I'm the one talking now, hush up for a second," I asserted, clearing my throat. "Sam- We had a really good time, for as long as it lasted, and I know you don't really want me back, but I'm sorry for everything I fucked up even though it was all your fault and maybe someday we can get back together for a bit-"

"MY FAULT?" Sam blanched. "Are you serious? I didn't even put the spaghetti there, what the hell are you talking about! I'm not mad, I just don't understand why you thought that would work, clearly the macaroni would have gotten the job done-" Trin shoved me to the side and cut him off.

"Fucking macaroni doesn't have the length required for the job, the wendigo would have DEFINITELY made it across the river if we used the macaroni. You know I'm right, bitch, you just can't fucking admit it, people would have died!"

"Trin, people DID FUCKING DIE!"

"YEAH JUST LIKE 5"

"IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NONE IF WE HAD USED THE MACARONI"

"BULLSHIT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN TWICE THAT-"

We were suddenly interrupted by a loud banging on the door.

"RYLEE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" came the unmistakable voice of my Dad.

"Uh… nothing, why do you ask?" I said sweetly, covering the mic with my hand.

"Oh, alright then, I guess the fact that yours and Trin's voice is on high volume in the banquet hall is just my imagination, then?" he half yelled.

...fuck.

"Jarvis, I said THAT hall, not the mother fucking BANQUET HALL!" I hissed. Jarvis didn't respond, presumably out of shame. I spun my chair to look at the monitor showing the banquet hall- entirely choc full of guests, some amused, some shocked, some wholly scandalized, and all clearly quiet and awaiting further development.

"Uh… sorry, dad, I'll turn the intercom off now, sorry… Sorry! It won't' happen again!" My sheepish tone seemed to placate him, and after a moment or two more of scolding, his footsteps echoed away.

As Trin cussed out Jarvis for his mistake, something on the monitor of the banquet hall caught my eye…

Spinning to the intercom again, I told Jarvis to reconnect to that hallway, and JUST that hallway. After checking the interface to be sure that it was just there, I leaned into the mic and cut off Sam, who was still ranting about macaroni and something about a jeep.

"Listen, fuckers, I may need your help." Dean quieted his brother.

"What's wrong?"

"Well… it looks like you may have been right… it's definitely not rats." I looked back to the monitor, noting ten… twenty? maybe more eyes flashing… shapeshifters. "You guys still got those guns…?"


	3. CHAPTER THE THIRD

CHAPTER THE THIRD

DEAN POV

Frankly, I was terrified to see Rylee again. My last view of her was from behind as Trin hustled her to the car. Mortified doesn't even begin to describe how I felt about that whole incident… and guilty, of course, but I could deal with that later.

After ripping into Ellen and Jo for hiding my sister from me after all this time, even though they KNEW I'd looked for her as soon as I was eighteen… I still had a job to do with Sam. Not like I could just tell him I almost kissed our sister and we couldn't go to the convention because it'd be awkward, because he'd probably want to go anyway then.

Should I even tell him? The last time we all saw each other, Rylee would have been like… three? If even that. Sam was just a shrimp himself, about ten if I remembered correctly. At that time he didn't really give a shit about her, it was my job to look after her after all… not that I did a great job of it, but still. It was me that wanted to reconnect with her. I'd do it later sometime when Sam was busy elsewhere.

Now, though, there wasn't much option to keep her and Sam apart, seeing as she'd just announced over the entire speaker system some bullshit about him and his ex, Bobby's daughter… who apparently was here as well.

Not to mention, the shapeshifters. We needed to get our guns in the building, and fast.

"Uh… Rylee, if Sam and I run out to the parking lot and grab our gear, can you let us back in with it? If there's really as many as you say there are, we're gonna need some firepower."

"Duh, there's a back door with a bigass "G" over it. G lot. I'll let you in and we can hide it in my control room, okay?" I nodded and turned to head down the hallway… someone was standing at the far end. Sam, oblivious to the newcomer, confronted me.

"So who the hell is Rylee?" he demanded. "And, why are we trusting her about shapeshifters? If there's shapeshifters in the building, how do we know she's not a shapeshifter herself? Is the original even trustworthy? How long have you known her?" The stranger down the hall- a very tall man- was moving toward us quickly.

"Listen, Sam-" I tried to cut him off in a hushed voice.

"And, for that matter, if you knew she was going to be here, why didn't you set us up to get our guns in earlier?"

"Sam, now isn't the time for playing 20 questions, I'm pretty sure that guy's-"

"GUYS YOU SHOULD RUN!" Rylee's voice blasted over the intercom, interrupting me. "HIS EYES ARE GLINTING!" I didn't wait for Sam to register the information, since the stranger was now coming at us at full tilt and looked pissed- I grabbed his arm and ran in the opposite direction.

RYLEE POV  
That settled it, time for the nuclear option. Dad might be pissed but once he heard the reason behind it, he'd be alright with it- he set me up with this safety switch anyway. Without a moment's hesitation, I reached over and slammed the "Avengers Assemble" button.

This problem wasn't going away without backup.

BUCKY POV

In the past month they'd had me in this room, I'd become very, very acquainted with the tiny hairline crack on the ceiling right above my bed. Just… staring at it. As per usual, the sun was shining in my eyes uncomfortably. As per usual, I couldn't be assed to get out of bed and shut the blinds further. Couldn't be assed to answer the door either- Steve was pounding on it again. He probably wanted to take me out in public again. That was him up and down- cheerful golden retriever puppy, always trying to find something bright and happy to do with me, something to pull me out of myself, even if he was carrying some shit too.

Not today. I kept staring down the crack, almost enjoying the shadowy atmosphere of the room. It fit well with my current mood.

"Bucky open the fucking door, will you? Tony's in trouble!"

Ah. Tony again. The bastard that tried to kill me. I mean, yeah, I'd killed his parents, but it's not like I was in control of myself… That's what I have to keep telling myself to stay sane, that is.

"Bucky, it's some kind of fucking monster, Tony's not gonna be able to handle this alone, he needs all of us there."

It's almost pleasant, in fact, to just kind of… wallow. Just keep staring. Just keep lying here. The other Avengers would be able to handle things by themselves. It wasn't like I was an actual Avenger anyway, they just took me on so I wouldn't be out on my own in this god forsaken century.

"Bucky… Tony's got a daughter, she's in trouble too. Please, I'm begging you, we need everyone we can get on this."

Damnit.

"...Fine," I grunted through the door. Staring at the crack could wait a little longer.

SAM POV

Today was clearly going to be one of those days where I ended up with more questions than answers. Aside from the fact that this Rylee person knew Dean and was also "on the inside" somehow at this convention, I also had to figure out why Trin was here….? And maybe patch things up. Depends on how the day rolls.

The most pressing question though at the moment was why the hell the whole building was on lockdown. This was the fourth door we had tried to open, and the fourth to be locked. No way would we stand a chance without some silver bullets- and no way were we going to get to our silver bullets if we were trapped in the fucking building.

"Sam, we have to find a fuckin window," Dean growled.

"This building is too old, did you see all the low windows? Tiny. The upstairs windows are all fancy wrought iron too, we're not getting out that easily. Find something to smash this door." In spite of the Jefferson Center's maintained historical appearance, newer security doors had been installed and they wouldn't be brought down by just kicking, as Dean was wont to do.

"Guys, sorry, I think I just locked us all in…" echoed through the intercom. "I called the Avengers in… apparently that locks up the building too."

"You called the Avengers? Why? We got this!" Dean protested angrily. "They don't even know what they're dealing with here!"

"We'll catch them up to speed then, dummy. You'll thank me later, they're… doing something. In the banquet hall. Don't go in there, they've got hostages? Something like that. If you guys can't get out, you need to come up here so we can regroup and make a plan without being overheard."

"Where are you then?"

"I'm not saying over the intercom, I don't trust it. We'll come to you."

RYLEE POV

If Trin and I were going to go out there defenseless, we'd need… something to defend ourselves. I scanned the room.

"Trin, please tell me that in the hundreds of sneak operations you made down to the kitchen and banquet hall, that you collected something OTHER than about five trillion paper plates?" She shrugged and picked a fancy hors d'oeuvres off one of the nearest plates. "Then… uh… grab that fuckin fire extinguisher, and I'll use…. Uh…." I trailed off. There wasn't much except wheelie chairs and paper plates. I peeked into the attached bathroom. "Lotion, soap, toilet paper, plunger… fuck, I'm going to have to use a plunger, aren't I?" I asked nobody in particular.

"Better than a toilet brush," Trin smirked. I threw the plunger at her, and it stuck on the door. That cheered me right the fuck up, though.

"Yeet!"

And so, we embarked.

STILL RYLEE POV

If ever in my life I felt like a ninja, I felt like one more so now. Plunger in hand, I tiptoed in the general direction of where my brothers should be, Trin hot on my heels… being a little loud with the fire extinguisher though, honestly.

"Stop with the noise!" I hissed.

"I can't help it, the hose is clanging against the other bits!" she hissed back.

"Grab the fuckin' hose then," I retorted. Finally the sound stopped.

I heard voices from around the corner- definitely the Winchesters. For people who dealt with this kind of shit on the regular, they definitely didn't know how to keep their fuckin voices down.

"Well… I'm here," I announced, rounding the corner. Dean smiled at me and waved me over.

"We've got a plan," he told me, leaning in and finally whispering instead of talking so loudly. "Basically, we hide in that closet"- he pointed, "and lure them in and get the jump on them."

"Uh…" I frowned. "Stupid fucking plan. We've got no weapons and we'd be cornered."

"Uh, don't worry about that, we'll take care of it," Sam smiled. "We have a bit of a secret weapon, you guys just gotta get in the closet and wait, okay?" I stared.

"Nah."

"Nah? It's a foolproof plan, we've got this," he insisted, stepping toward me a bit menacingly, his cheerful demeanor gone. "You should trust me… after all, I AM your brother-"

"...TRIN THIS ISN'T THEM!" I screeched, bonking Sam in the gut soundly with my plunger. "RUN!" We lit off in the direction we came, but it was only a matter of time- No real weapons, no good place to hide, and the shapeshifters would definitely be stronger and faster than us-

Around the corner, up a flight of stairs, down another flight of stairs, around another corner or two-

And of course, at that perfectly opportune moment, my shoe came untied and tripped me flat on my face.

I heard a hiss behind me as Trin let "Sam" and "Dean" have a faceful of fire retardant, but that wasn't going to hold them off for long- I scrambled to my feet, turned- They were right there, looking funny enough covered in white foam but with enraged expressions on their faces.

Suddenly, a crash resonated from above and glass fell to the floor behind the two. One, two, and then three figures dropped nearly soundlessly to the ground behind them- two women and a man? No, two men, one with long hair-

Each grabbed one of the fake brothers and pinned them to the ground.

I could see them better now- Captain America, the Black Widow, and… oh boy… the Winter Soldier. James fuckin Barnes. In the flesh. Maintaining composure was about to be difficult.

"Uh… Those are shapeshifters…" I said, trying not to stare. I knelt down and tugged on "Dean's" ear, pulling it clean off. "They imitate humans and animals by taking on their appearance and memories… these two guys are our uh… friends, they've gotta be around here somewhere."

Captain America stared down at the pearly skin revealed under the fake skin, seemingly in shock. Bucky casually snapped the fake Sam's neck.

"Well… I appreciate the sentiment but that's not going to do anything, buddy, you have to decapitate," I informed him, still trying not to stare. He pulled a knife out of one of his many pockets and held it to the shapeshifter's throat.

"Waitwaitwait-" Cap held out his hand and stopped Bucky. "We don't know ANYTHING about these people-" he gestured at the fake Dean- "We can't just kill them, we don't even know if they're the real threat here!" He pointed back up at the ceiling. "We need to get back up there with these guys, we can keep them prisoner until we question them, or hand them over to Fury, or SOMETHING-" he tugged on the ladder that dropped down-

It came loose and fell in a pile on the ground. All three starred dumbly at it for a moment before Black Widow spoke up. "We should kill 'em."

"NAT!"

"What, they were clearly coming after these two girls… and they're monsters, after all." Cap glared at her.

"No, we can't just- HOLY FUCK!" He exclaimed as I snagged Bucky's knife and ran it through "Sam's" esophagus. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" I finished the job and wiped the blood-like substance onto my shirt nonchalantly, ignoring the looks the others gave me.

"Okay, fuck face," I said calmly, leaning down to the fake Dean. "You're next if you don't tell me where the real Sam and Dean are." It looked up at me in terror and nodded. Getting back to my feet smugly, I nodded at Cap. "And that is how we get things done."


End file.
